Valorie Kondos Field: Sweat the small stuff

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Daniel Kiernan  00:09

Welcome to Episode 222 of Control the Controllables. And today's episode is with my favorite ever guest, you've heard me talking about it over the last couple of years. Uh, yes, she is back.

Valorie Kondos Field  00:26

You don't learn a darn thing when you when you celebrate, you learn in the struggle. That's where you grow. And if you're not spending that time if you're not honoring the process, yep, to really sit in the struggle. Then, as you said, you're missing out on a massive step of your development. And

Daniel Kiernan  00:50

That is, of course, Valorie Kondos Field. And it's another great conversation. You know, she's someone who I've taken so much from whenever I've had a conversation with Valerie, the great UCLA, gymnastics coach, and the last time we spoke three and a half years ago, she had just retired from that position. She wasn't sure what was going to come next, was she going to lose her identity as a person, I think we all feel that as we move away from a role and industry, as Valorie did. So she talks us through all of that. And just so many reflections on her coaching now that she's had time away from the game, per se, and so many life lessons for us all to learn. Now, it has been a month since we've had a podcast episode coming to you guys. But we've been busy, there's been a lot going on. Hopefully you will see things on our YouTube channel, you'll see it on all the social media channels. And some of you came to see us in London, and our first ever live podcast show. I'll be talking a little bit more at the end with Vicki on that. It was an absolute pleasure meeting all of you. And I thank everyone for the opportunity to do that. I hope that we will have more live events coming to you in the future. But for now, let's get straight into today's episode with Valorie Kondos Field. So Valorie Kondos field a big welcome back to control the controllables how're you doing? Daniel, I'm doing great. I'm so honored to be back. I love chatting with you. Well, here we go again. Part two. And and the pleasure I promises is all mine and September 2020 I believe it was and we were we were in the heart of a global pandemic. You know, I don't think any of us quite knew the impact that that was going to have on all of us. We were about six months in at that point. But a lot of time has passed. You know, you were recently retired from UCLA when we last spoke. Here we are now. And I just the first thing I want to say Valerie, you shared a story of you being on the aeroplane. I think it was a week after you'd left UCLA and and you'd said someone had said to you you know what do you do? Well, I last week if you'd asked me the question I would have said head coach at UCLA gymnastics but now I am I'm just me. And I think she her words were honey lose the just, you know, it's enough to be me. So how has it been me for the last 3.5 years?

Valorie Kondos Field  03:37

That is your first of all, thank you for doing your homework. That's exactly what happened. And I think that's a very appropriate place for us to start because I've had a very successful illustrious career. I've had a few people last few weeks actually just share with me that UCLA gymnastics and these were foreigners that from different countries one was from India one was from Sweden one was from UK set have also the same thing I mean, at UCLA gymnastics became a global brand. And was Miss Val was the head of this right so I retire and as I had my lost my identity, like so many, so many athletes do or movie stars, whatever. And it's taken me quite a quite a few years to understand that Daniel and to understand that I am I I'm not what I do. I am who I am. And I love what I do. And what is my goal now somebody asked me that the other day and and they said because you know, executive coaching and speakers, you can make a lot of money. And I was like, well, the money is fun. But the impact is what's lasting. And that's my goal now and so I I've shifted I don't need a title. And I don't need a label to be If I failed with what I do,

Daniel Kiernan  05:02

and is that being yourself has been challenging. I guess it was so fresh when we last spoke. Sometimes we can say the words, and we can. We can, especially as a coach, and as someone who has experience, we can say what we're supposed to say. And we can give lip service. And we can say, no, no, I'm going to this is this is the way that I'm now going to set myself up. What the real give me some of the real challenges, you know, was there things going on internally? And and how did you overcome that, to start feeling comfortable and be able to get a bit more of a rhythm in, in that new phase of life, I guess,

Valorie Kondos Field  05:46

The real challenge was the fact that it was my entire life until I was 64. Right now, I retired at 60. My entire life I had structure, and I see that school as a professional ballerina. And then I came to UCLA, and I was coaching. And then bam retired at 60. So I have all this energy all this life, I'm very healthy. And I go, there's no structure. And I what I learned about myself is naturally I think my kryptonite, my Achilles heel, every one metaphor you want to put to it is I'm a procrastinator. And so since I didn't have a schedule, it was like it was I was, I remember saying to somebody, there are no weekdays and weekends anymore. They're just days. And so I didn't pick it up at a certain time. I didn't have to do all this stuff. And it wasn't until I realized, and this went on for quite a while that I would wake up in a low sense of depression and sadness. And I thought this is just not me. And so I and I, I also realized that I go throughout my day, without any real purpose. I didn't have like a schedule. And so I just coached myself up one day. And before I went to bed that night, I said, Okay, you're going to do exactly what you would coach, one of your athletes to do. You're going to write out your schedule for tomorrow. Everything we're trying to get an appetite to work out when when you're eating what you're eating the whole bit. And, oh, guess what, I didn't wake up set. I woke up excited. Because I had a purpose. I had a schedule. And I knew that if I wrote it, and if I said I was gonna do it, I knew I would do it. And it was my little depression was sure like that.

Daniel Kiernan  07:49

And that goes into, and you talked a lot about your your why and how that helped you as a coach. Obviously, we've all seen Simon Sinek, who I think you caught it as well last time. And there is the danger, it becomes a bunch of buzzwords, buzzwords, but it is real, right. It's like, when we when we understand our purpose, we understand why it is that we are getting up to do what we're doing. And that became very clear from what you told me last time as a coach. And that was when you actually had your real success as a coach. So so what has that why now become that you've moved on to this next phase?

Valorie Kondos Field  08:31

My why now is to be able to have impact I, I had 37 years as a coach, I was a, as I said, a ballerina professional ballet dancer before that. So I understood the same things that go into developing into a champion and developing grit and resilience and all those things, discipline, hard work ethic, work ethic, champions are made when no one else is watching champions are made in the struggle, all those little books, you know, I had lived those my whole life. And now since I've retired, I'm teaching a Master's class at UCLA on coaching and leadership. And so I'm studying a lot of the great coaches, and there's similarities and there's similarities, it's not style. The similarities are and I think we may have touched on I don't, I don't know if we touched on it back then I don't know if I had the working title of the book is sweat this my new book is called Sweat The Small Stuff. Because anybody who achieves a level of excellence at such a high level, you have to pay attention to the details and the small stuff. And, you know, I looked at studying John Wooden and studying Bobby Knight that could not be more polarized with their style. But how they went about doing it was the same and so my why now is to discuss what it means to be a champion. And you know, we all know that champions are champions before they ever win or anything. So what does that look like? And I've had quite a few discussions and interviews with my student athletes going back three decades. And they all say the same thing. It's been fascinating.

Daniel Kiernan  10:09

And what do they say?

Valorie Kondos Field  10:15

Well, it's interesting. And I don't know, where are they got this word. They use the word indomitable. They use the word that we built an indomitable culture. And I'm like, Okay, what? Like, what does that mean? How is that different than resilient? And they all say, in their, their own words, and this is, like I said, going back to the early 90s, up until I left in 2019. That being indomitable, isn't just having the discipline to push forward and be relentless. Being indomitable, is doing, like I said, paying attention to the small stuff, doing hard work, when it's not easy. And building this grid iron, of strength of grit, and resilience and determination, courage, all of those things that go into being a champion or going to be a superhero. And they said that that was woven so tightly, because we got all of the student athletes in the staff to buy in to the same values that were part of that made this grid iron. So that grit resilience, all of those like superhero characters is going to champion. You don't develop those by saying they'll be grittier go people resilient. So when I asked them, what did they feel these pillars, these values, these principles standards were, this is what made me feel so proud as a coach, but this was the most eye opening thing that I'd heard. They all mentioned that we talked a lot and practiced, respectful honesty. And I coached 18 to 22 year old young women. And it's, I mean, they could be snarky. And mean girl is very unlikely and well, okay. But I used to tell them that if you're not being 100% honest with someone, you're not being respectful, because you're saying, you can't handle the truth, so I'm gonna have to soft peddle this for you. So being honest, in a very respectful manner, was what they would say was value taught us respectful honesty. And then I said, Okay, what else and they all said, Grace. And we know that grace is a really hard concept to understand, and to put into practice, because bright grace is basically an unmerited gift that I'm giving you that you haven't earned. And so a lot of times in our culture now, I said, Just give somebody the grace, of giving up understanding that maybe their intention wasn't to hurt, you. Just give them that grace. And then the hardest grace is to give yourself grace. And then they all mentioned empathy, and compassion. And compassion is when you put an action to empathy. And, like, there were a few other words and terms and all that that a few of them throughout those three were common amongst that I think I think I interviewed 62 of them. And the last was gratitude. Because gratitude became our default, because we started every single practice with gratitude. Okay, and that's interesting to me, Daniel, because how do you develop the super hero? Characteristic characteristics is true what people up until recently have classified as soft skills.

Daniel Kiernan  14:00

It is interesting because it's, there's a couple of things that hit me Valerie's is one I'd be interested, if student athletes in that moment would be able to reflect on that. Or I often find and this is why I find coaching. It's, it's absolutely not what the modern world of instant gratification builds. If you want to be a coach, you ain't getting much instant gratification. But this this, this is life development. This using the sport as a vehicle to impact individuals is something that I think we often find that out later. You know, and you know, the amount of times I'll get a text message, and we do this I think I mentioned it last time we spoke but we do this Circle. We do it every Friday, it's sort of a tennis academy in Spain, where the whole team comes together. And that's what it stands for it stands the Circle itself, is is about the team, you know, we are a team, we're in an individual sport, and you are age 10. And you are a professional tennis player, but you are all part of this team, sort of what we stand for in this team environment, individual pathways within that team environment. And every week, either myself or another coach, or we get players to give examples of the values that we have, which is stands for growth for the Academy. So you know, so we go through gratitude, gratitude is our number one, respect is our number two ownership want, then we have the daily bill. You know, if you want to be successful in anything, you there's a bill to pay. And then we have honesty and humility. But we're all here to grow. And we try and bring those alive, but I can see year on year, especially teenage boys, who are thinking, I want to go and chase the girls down the port, what do you do make me listen to another story. But the majority get back in touch, but it's normally 2,3,4,5,10 years later, to say it now makes sense. You know, all of those hours of standing in that circle, but I now use that in this part of my life, you know, and that's, it's a beautiful thing. But it's also can be quite a frustrating thing for coaches out there, who sometimes feel that they're not being listened to. Whereas they are and it's seeping in. And it's in its own its own way. So what would your message be to the coaches out there? One in terms of having a bit of patience, but two, on how you went about teaching them without it just being words, because words don't always impact as well? Well,

Valorie Kondos Field  16:56

first of all, that leader, the definition of an inspiring effectively effective leader, in my opinion, is somebody who models behavior that they want to see from those people whom they're leading. That is truly transformational leadership. Otherwise, it's do as I say, Because I said so. And that may produce compliant good little soldiers, but that does not develop them, and fortify them from the inside out. And so as you said, they have to hear it. However, we don't learn in words, people don't think in words, we think in in pictures, and then that translates to our feelings. So when they can see it. In practice, especially like I always felt it was so important to model what a sincere apology sounded like, look like felt like for one of my student athletes, and that it, it came from a place of strength, not weakness. So that's one thing. The second thing is you're talking about the fact that they, they learn him later, we all understand the compound effect, the drip, drip, drip, drip drip method, so you can't just say it once or twice or even one year, like,

Daniel Kiernan  18:09

which is annoying as a parent. It is. But then

Valorie Kondos Field  18:14

I always had my husband, my husband coached football for us at UCLA. And when I would come so, so frustrated, he would always say my love, all the flowers in the garden don't bloom at the same time. And that simple little metaphor. And it's funny, we're talking about this in my class, I teach at UCLA, just this last Monday, we had Andy Hill, who played for Coach Wooden come and visit the class, but coke but Andy Hill didn't play sat on a bench because he wasn't good enough to play. And he did not speak to Coach Wooden for 25 years. That's how upset he was that he sat on the bench. And it wasn't until he had his own business, his own family, his own children, that these the flowers in the garden started blooming 25 years later. And he made the call to Coach Wooden, they reconnected, became best friends wrote a advice together. And it's it happened 25 years later. So every single one I'd say to coaches and parents and any any of us every single thing we say and don't say or do or don't do is being observed. So be very careful. As a leader as somebody in a leadership position is a very daunting responsibility. Because even if you're just sitting back there thinking they're not observing you they are observing every little thing you do and how you do it.

Daniel Kiernan  19:48

We mentioned coach wouldn't last time we can't not mention again this time, you know and I no offense you told me and I did have this written down actually about the unveiling. his stamp honoring Coach Wooden, your face lit up. You know, when we spoke about an offense, it's potentially welled up as well, because you know, it's a very emotional, emotional topic. But But tell us about that experience.

Valorie Kondos Field  20:15

Yes, so the United States Postal Service Honor coach wouldn't with his forever stamp, which means that you can buy them in at this price, whatever. And a tremendous, tremendous honor. And the interesting thing was, I remember this probably 2005, maybe they named the postal office in his where he lived in Encino, after Coach Wooden. So it's the John Wooden post office and I was there. I hadn't really developed the relationship as tightly as I had later on in the years. And so to be asked to speak, I was one of three people that spoke at this unveiling. I to this to this moment, I've just overwhelmed with appreciation and gratitude to be able to stand up there and speak about my mentor who's Coach Wooden. And the emcee of the event was Jamal Wilkes, who played for him who was an unbelievable player, in college, and in the NBA, and then our special guest surprise guests was Kareem, Abdul Jabbar, and Kareem and coach had an incredibly tight, wonderful familial relationship. In fact, I recommend reading his book 50 years on and off the court with John Wooden. So it was, it was magical. And as I said to you off air, I hate using that word because Coach Wooden hated to call the wizard Westwood. Because he's like, there's nothing wizardry about it. It's hard work plan, determination, grit is no magic. But that event felt magical to me. Sorry, coach, sorry, sorry.

Daniel Kiernan  21:56

Give us a short summary of what your words were. Well,

Valorie Kondos Field  22:01

I should have had it, I can go get it. But I don't need to I was wearing his I have his one of his buttoned down cardigans. And he always used to wear either a light blue or light gray cardigan. And I have one of those. So I wore the cardigan. And I told the story is true. In my class that I teach. I wore the cardigan and I there's 27 students in that class. And I said, whose card and you can learn. And one of the students in the back yields Gucci. And I go, Oh, it's not Gucci. And then another student yells top board. And I go know what this is like top four. And then another student goes, actually Mr. Ballard kind of does. I said, You guys, this is vintage, John Wooden. And one of the students sweat. Whoa, so much cooler than Gucci shirt. Is like I'm so glad that you you understand that. But that the meat of what I said I only had five minutes or so was I do a lot of speaking engagements now. And wherever I go, regardless of how large the audience is, someone will always ask me what is the best advice I ever received from John Wooden. And while we all can recite his Maxim's with a forward and backwards, the truth is when you asked Coach Wooden, for specific personal advice, he never gave advice. And I told a story about the morning of 911 I was driving to work and heard the horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible news on the radio. And it was also the morning that was gonna be the first time our team reported as a team that year. And so I had prepared this whole thing that I was gonna say to welcome the team and circles and blah, blah, blah. And obviously, that's out the window. So I called coach, and I just said, Coach, I got nothing. I need help here. None of us have ever been any through through anything like this. I've got a team meeting starting in 45 minutes, I have no idea what I'm gonna say. And Coach said, Honey, listen to and follow your heart. And I said, Coach, that sounds like a really nice Hallmark card. I need something. I need something a little bit more great. Okay. And I said, Can you just give me like, just like a few words to get things started because I literally was blank. And the more I tried to think about it, the more deer in the headlight I've got it's like I was forcing it. Yeah. Honey, just listen to and trust your heart. And by this time, I'm getting annoyed. And I'm like, Okay, Coach. I'll talk to you later hang up, like Thanks for nothing. So I go to my meeting. And that moment arise, or Rice's where the student athlete tears coming down their faces look to me, and they asked the question And I take a pause. And I listened to. And I trusted my heart. And it was the absolute perfect thing to say. And I remember thinking the brilliance of John Wooden, is that had he told me what to say? I would have trusted his words, above my words, because that's John Wooden. And it would not have been pertinent to the moment and it would not have been authentic to the moment in my leadership. And ever since then, whenever I get stuck, or I have to have a difficult conversation, I, I see him with his arms crossed his little blue eyes, twinkling lights smiling, and I hear him say, Honey, listen to and trust your heart. And it never fails. Ever. How can it fail? Like, even if it doesn't resonate with the person? It can't fail? Because it's coming from your heart? Absolutely not somebody else? Not a Hallmark card not reading it off of a podcast. What

Daniel Kiernan  26:04

made him so special in terms of, I guess, information and wisdom kind of gets passed on? You know, so much seems to uniquely go back to John Wooden you know, I lived in the States for a few years, but the kind of the coaching world, everybody caught him in what were what was his journey? Where was he getting all of this wisdom from? Was it was it that he was just incredibly intelligent, what what was what was his what was his thing and his gift?

Valorie Kondos Field  26:40

He was incredibly intelligent, because he understood the humanity. He understood that the his players he called them his boys. Were young men. They weren't just athletes. And so Coach Wooden it's funny. We can recite his Maxim's like I said, make you stand masterpiece. Be quick, but don't hurry all of these things. His favorite American was Abraham Lincoln. So when you study Abraham Lincoln, you're studying John Wooden. That's interesting, often for Batum. And his favorite living person was Mother Teresa. And he also grew up with these seven point Cree that his father gave him of these Maxim's that are just very simple life. mantras that aren't complicated, that have been passed down since the dawn of man. And so it was, it was steeped within his faith, his Christian, and it was fortified by truly studying Abraham Lincoln, mainly. Okay,

Daniel Kiernan  27:53

that's a really interesting. And the question that jumped in my head earlier, Valerie, you were talking about the transformative coaching that you're doing at UCLA and the teaching that you know, doing, which also warms my heart, because I said this to you off air as well. Anyone that listens to control the controllables knows this, you know, Episode 62 is my one and actually my wife's as well. And we've have we actually been asked the question separately, and that's, that's the biggest compliment I can give you in our world, because we've had, we've had such an honor, it's been an honor the last four years, you know, we went from Sir Andy Murray. To eat history on tech, you know, in the tennis world is sought so many people, but we always come back to the conversation that we had with you. And, and, and that was your ability to portray things, for me was really special. It really, it really touched me, I took that massively on board. So for me to now know that and feel that you are passing that on to people, I think it really does warm my heart. And it would be such a shame if you weren't. So that's, that's my side note to my question, which is, you mentioned Bobby Knight. And you mentioned John Wooden. Now, I know there might be a lot of Europeans that that won't necessarily be as familiar with John Wooden and Bobby Knight as in America, but two legendary basketball coaches. And what you said was, or my interpretation of what you said was that they have very different ways of going about their business in terms of, I'm guessing that Bobby Knight from memory was quite an aggressive coach quite quite outward, whereas maybe John wouldn't a little bit calmer it would be my would be my take on it. But there was certain things that was still in place that actually certain similarities that came through Give us a bit more on that given give God give me a bit more on that infant on what what you meant by that?

Valorie Kondos Field  30:06

Well I, in the class that I teach, we study a different coach every single week. And so I'm just using Bobby Knight and Coach Wooden because they were so polar opposites in a lot of ways. Coach Wooden, the worst word you've ever heard him say was good, goodness gracious sakes alive. And he could say it in a way that was cutting and it was like the worst cuss words you've ever heard. This is crazy six wide. Or he could say in a way that was uplifting. Goodness gracious sakes alive. But that is the worst word you ever heard come out of his mouth. He was fiery. You want like people. My image image of Coach Wooden is little oh man, because I met him he was an 80s. But he was firing. He was he expected this level of excellence. Yep. Everybody that worked in his you know, everybody, including the referees. And then you have bought at night, and Bobby Knight used every horrible word on the planet and a very loud decibels. He's known for grabbing his players, I had one of his players come and speak to my class. And they said, you know, people thought he grabbed him around the neck, he actually just grabbed my shirt, whatever. In the middle of a game. This is his famous, his famous famous little montage in the middle of the game, he got pissed off at what a ref called, and he took a chair and threw it across the court and improve the game. Okay, so when we're talking about model behavior, that you want to see from those people whom you're leading, is that okay? behavior for the athletes to do that. If it's not, then you don't do it. But the, the biggest commonality and similarity is all of the coaches that we study in this course that I'm teaching, is they sweat the small stuff, yep, they pay attention to the details, they have a goal, they have a plan, and they are excellent technicians and tactical in the tactical of the application. And it all is just extremely detail oriented, and they hold everyone around them that's in their program accountable to that same level of excellence.

Daniel Kiernan  32:26

And on that, I have a bit of a theory on this, and I'm completely with you on sweating the small stuff, you know, we marginal gains, you know, these are the these taken care of, we call it the daily bill, actually, that's that's one of our values, you know, you've got your daily build to, to pay for, but what I sometimes see is, there's some pretty big bloody pillars that need to be taken care of first. And when we're talking about the highest level of performance, and we're talking to coaches were talking about their we're talking about the highest level of professional sport, on the highest level of college sports, it tends to be athletes that have got the majority of the big pillars taken care of. And if I give an example I have because we will have a range of players and our tennis academy, you know, we had working with a doubles pair that won the US Open last year, the women's US Open champion, so that the highest level of the game. And then we have some players that are starting their journey to try and to become a competitive tennis player that might go along a route of maybe going to a division three college, you know. So there is a range. And one of the trends I see in tennis is you see these players going around and they've got a nutritionist with them and they've got this and they're wearing their racquet and then they're putting all of the doing all of the small stuff. But they're not showing up on time. They're not sleeping properly. They're not taking care of eating they're, they're not showing up every day with their best efforts. They're no they're not taking care of these big, big bit. So how do we if this is there's be a lot of coaches listening to this. How to coaches know when to get the balance of okay, yes, it's about the small stuff. However, before that, or certainly alongside that. We need to get these big pieces in place as well. Yeah, well makes sense.

Valorie Kondos Field  34:43

No, it makes 100% sense. The first thing you saw when you walked in our gym was champions are made when no one else is watching. You know, people will say champions are made in the dark, whatever metaphor you want to use for that. And everybody who's an athlete has a tendency player is going to do what you just said they're going to weigh the rackets are going to have nutritionists, they're going to have a strengthened Christian because Great, that's all awesome. It's everything that we can see. But what are you doing when no one else is watching. And that's, that is the first layer of discipline, and sweating the small stuff. So when you talk about sleep, when you talk about hydration, I talk a lot about this. athletes get off this, because this is a 100% waste of your time and energy. And if there's anything on your social that you need to be aware of

Daniel Kiernan  35:37

This is a mobile phone, by the way, guys, this is a mobile phone.

Valorie Kondos Field  35:40

Yeah, sorry, sorry sorry. Yeah, I talked to them about the mobile, I spent a lot of time talking about the phone and how much time you're spending on that phone. Scrolling, why are you doing it, the majority of athletes respond, they find themselves scrolling to numb out, what are you numbing out from? They're numbing out from the stress and the pressure of what they're feeling? I think this is one of the most ridiculous methods of de-stressing in the world, you should be doing. Okay, so you're telling me that you're scrolling and you're spending all this time on your phone? Because you've got so much stuff in your brain? And you're just putting more stuff in your brain? How much sense does that make? It doesn't. So put your frickin phone away, and go for a walk, go meditate, go have lunch with a friend without your phone, get off your phone. And the first thing that I would notice, in my later coaching career, as soon as we're done with me, they're in the locker room having showered yet, they're checking to see what everybody said about him, which is never bad. It's it's so unhealthy. And it's and it's a hunt, like control the controllables. It's 100% in your control. And if you think that that's this is part of the recipe for success for you, you need to go talk to somebody about this because you're 100% wrong.

Daniel Kiernan  37:10

Oh, no, I'm with you. And again, you're speaking my language. I mean, I have a one. And actually about my son plays tennis to a decent level. He's he's just turned 13 years old. But I see him doing this as well and it infuriates me and I've now stopped it. But the form, the form is in place to mask the pain of a loss. I see this happening a lot. Now back in back in my day, we sat with the pain of a loss. And sitting with a pain of a loss is the first step to initiating change. That's what I see happening with athletes is, is that they they saw uncomfortable with that with that feeling and that pain that before you know, and I actually I actually see a lot of athletes do, they'll go on, they'll put a selfie on Instagram, or they'll do something that brings attention that maybe gives them a bit of dopamine elsewhere. It so they're not having to deal with it, but they are missing out on a monumental opportunity to be able to use those thoughts which will, which will lead I have it in business, I have it as a as a coach now, you know, my girls lost in the semifinals of the Australian Open. And I sat with her for a couple of hours really like as a coach, what could I have done better here? You know, how could I have maybe better prepared them? How could I have been whilst they're on the court? My words are not my words before they play and the impact of that. And that is a massive beef that I have with with these and I couldn't agree more with you. And I think we talked about it before actually as well. So it's obviously something that's in our bonnet. It's obviously a big beat. It's in our bonnet. That's like it but it's also very hard to completely get rid of phones the way that society is. But they all the devil.

Valorie Kondos Field  39:13

They are they really are. It's like, you know, what you just said is so true. You don't learn a darn thing when you when you celebrate. You learn in the struggle. That's where you grow. And if you're not spending that time if you're not honoring the process, yep, you really sit in the struggle. Then as you said, you're missing out on a massive step of your development.

Daniel Kiernan  39:40

Completely. Valerie, I want to I want to move a bit more to you. Okay. Are you happy?

Valorie Kondos Field  39:47

Oh my gosh. I am extremely happy. I think there's a I'm naturally empathetic because I've noticed that when I'm not happy i I am focusing on what's happening in our world. And I get very sad for all of the suffering that's happening in our world. And it really, that was part of what was weighing me down and waking up sad. And it's like, every night I go to bed, like I told you before, gratitude literally is my default, there's not one minute of the day, I'm not taking a pause to be grateful for something. And when I go to bed at night, I'm very, very grateful that I have not just a bed and I'm more, but I'm safe. And then when I wake up in the morning, I'm very grateful I'm safe. And so a lot of my attention, and my book sales, or all the money that I make from all of that goes to communities that rescue sexually trafficked people, not just young adults, but in teenagers, but everybody. Because I just think, I can't imagine going to bed and not feeling sace. So you asked if I was happy. I'm very happy, because I'm very grateful. And something that I you know, you mentioned earlier that there are all these buzzwords that are people using, I think gratitude is one of the most overused words. But it really can't be overused because we can't, you can't OD on gratitude. But something that I probably should have tapped into earlier that I just recently tapped into was the reason why making gratitude your default in life for every little thing for a glass of water for a clean restroom, or whatever that is, is because when you to enumerate something you're grateful for, it takes a pause. And we all know the power of stillness. Stillness is where you get clarity. So you can't enumerate a gratitude. Without being clear. And in order to get the clarity you got to come still. And then this is, this was the kicker for me. Anything that I'm enumerating I'm grateful for I already have an abundance. So when you come from a place of living from a place of abundance versus scarcity, it truly changes how you go about everything in your life. And the gratitude like I literally my last speaking engagement, I just challenged everybody to go gratitude 2.0 and just be grateful. For every little thing we already know, science has told us that it kicks in all the happy chemicals in our brains when we enumerate but that stillness, and and I had somebody say to me, some smart out students say to me, Michelle, I don't have time during my day to be giving gratitude, pausing for stillness, be grateful. I said, Oh, this is gonna be fun. All right, everybody, good. Here we go. Get out your timers Ready, I'm gonna I want you to think of something you're grateful for hit the timer, when you don't stop it. Okay, great, it's less than a second. It is less than a second. I do think that we have time in the day that we can do this

Daniel Kiernan  42:59

100%. And as the, as the mind started, that was, it's been the biggest change for me over the last 10 years as well, that would gratitude and just in and then control the controllables, which are very linked together very closely for me, you know, because I'm grateful for so many so many things. But then what is it that's in my control that I can also impact? And I think as you get good at it, and as it becomes part of your world, like you say, it's happening all the time, I think some people think it's this big, it has to always be almost a big ceremony of, I'm sitting down now. And now I'm going to be grateful, you know, and hearing how you describe it exactly that it can be one or two seconds, here or there. You

Valorie Kondos Field  43:50

know, and I want to get, I just want to finish the thought that I had early when I said I have it kind of a sadness, not kind of I have a sadness around the suffering around the world. So I spoke with our sports psychologist about it. I've known for 30 something years. And he said that the way to honor those that are are are less fortunate is to be grateful for what you have. Because if you're not grateful for it, it's a slap in the face.

Daniel Kiernan  44:18

That I think that's an important thought as well. So, next question I want to ask about you. And you might have to listen to this one. Let's make sure I'm clear with it. What is one thing that people often miss perceive about you. So people have a perception of you. That is incorrect. One thing

Valorie Kondos Field  44:45

two things come to mind. Okay, well, I'll start with the negative perception is that some of my peers or, you know, some people out there that know quote unquote, mismatch. I have accused me of attaching myself to some of our student athletes that are very famous, you know, celebrity, for my own gain, especially my last two years was when the Larry Nasser scandal came out. And we had quite a few victims that were survivors that I had coached. And they were on Good Morning America, they were on Ellen Show, they were on all this. And they said to me, Miss foul. I'll go on the show. But I want you to be with me. Because if if I'm asked a really tough question, I need you to buffer it. And I said, Okay, fine. And I was accused of inserting myself into their celebrity. And so that is 100% misconception.

Daniel Kiernan  45:50

How did that make you feel?

Valorie Kondos Field  45:53

It made me feel sad that these were my peers that I had coached alongside for 30 something years. And, you know, you can say people say, Oh, it's because they're jealous of because of this or that, but it's like, that's an excuse. For even if we're not friends, we have a healthy respect for each other. I would never judge somebody for something that I don't know anything about. You know. So that made me that made me just sad that it's kind of like canceled culture stuff. It's like, really, you weren't even in the room, you don't know what you're talking about. Another misconception of many is that I am an extrovert. And I am not an extrovert. I'm an introvert. I like to like people ask what you do when you're, you know, for fun. I like to knit. I like to play the piano. And I like to read and I don't want to watch. I don't need anybody with me to do all those things. Yeah, so I was just Vegas, I supposed to be in Vegas all week, I came home two days early, because I couldn't stand it. I was getting crazy. So that was, I think two of the most misconstrued things about Miss Val.

Daniel Kiernan  47:02

Very good. And in terms of the extrovert introvert, I guess that shows your professional background of being a performer. We can because because people would, I've been very fortunate to have two conversations that I've loved with you. And but your your energy and your your your you're an extrovert with a perception of being an extrovert would come across, but that just adapt for me that is that is a compliment of your performance skills. Which which I'm jumping into a completely random topic, but it's a big one for me right now. Because I'm, I manage teams right now managing doubles teams, and I'm also managing my own coaching team and not just coaching team but bigger, bigger picture team or the team of the podcast, we're about to do some live shows. So we've got lots of things going on and an eye, the way that we pass on energy. And the way that it the way that we give ourselves off within a team, for me is vital and absolutely crucial. You know, and and people that come in, and don't say good morning with a smile on their face, I don't portray that that sort of energy within a team absolutely suck the living daylights out of out of that position. So we do have a duty when we're in a team sport or in a team position to to perform. And that doesn't always mean it's the most natural thing. 100%

Valorie Kondos Field  48:39

I mean, literally, we had, I taught our team to say thank you, and you're welcome. And not just to say, hey, thanks. And then walk by and go, yep. To look someone in the eye take a pause, and the importance of looking at someone in the eye and say thank you, and then them looking you in the eye and saying, You're welcome. There's that moment that pause of connectivity. There is. Yeah, that compound effect of the fibers that develop that team culture, right. But you are absolutely right. As far as this is the reason why people think I'm an extrovert is because I have no problems being in front of a crowd. It drains me. But I just spoke two weeks ago for Chick fil A. And there were 10,000 people in this theater in the round type of a thing, a massive, massive stage round. And that tech guy kept coming to the producer kept coming up and saying, No, I don't want you to get freaked out, you know, you don't have to address everybody in the room and, and it was so cute. And I let it listen to what I said. I grew up on stage. I'm fine. Even if I make a mistake, I'm fine.

Daniel Kiernan  49:51

But if you weren't the last thing you need to hear is someone telling you not to freak out.

Valorie Kondos Field  49:56

Oh my gosh and a woman that was my quote unquote handler She kept saying, Are you nervous? Are you nervous? Or like, coaching one on one? Ask an athlete whether they get nervous. No, I'm excited. Okay. However my I have a lot of people ask me do I get nervous when I speak, especially my student athletes coming up that are asked to speak and, and I go, You know what, let's go back to Coach Wooden failing to prepare is preparing to fail, I prepare really well. And I even prepare to to be able to recover. If I have a moment like right blank on stage, whatever I can prepare for that. And that's something like, Okay, we studied Bobby Knight, who was just an aggressive, horrible cussing coach. However, the book that we studied, his is called the power of negative thinking. And in coaching, and I didn't want anyone to read the book, because I didn't like the title. But in coaching in life, you plan for Plan A. But if you don't plan for Plan B, C, D, and E, and you don't practice those things, you're living in a fantasy world. Right.

Daniel Kiernan  51:06

And that's, you've, for me, you've nailed that point that it's things that are done well, people perceive them to be natural, I think is my summary of that. Whereas preparation, professionalism, sweating, the small stuff, controlling the controllables then showcases a natural appearance and a natural performer, which is what we see across sports we see across art we see across music, speaking, you know, whoever it might be. And that's, that's an important point for people to understand. People with a fixed mindset don't understand that, because they think none. And I'll just say they're lucky, bounce lucky, she just can, she's extroverted. And she can speak easily in front of people. You know, whereas the growth mindset understands that actually none No, we can learn these skills with with the right amount of work. And I think that's a really important, important powerful message as well.

Valorie Kondos Field  52:10

Absolutely.

Daniel Kiernan  52:12

What's one moment that you would re live or redo in your life, if you could?

Valorie Kondos Field  52:23

In my personal life, and this is getting really personal. And sad, is my mother passed away when she was 53. And I was 25. And we pretend chick cancer, colon cancer, we pretended like she was going to get well, because that's what my father wanted us to do. So I never had the moment to tell her how much I loved her and appreciated her and learned from her. That was gonna miss her. Because we all had to pretend like she was getting well, even though we knew she was gonna give up. And that is a moment I regret not having that time, because I was strong enough to be able to handle that. She was my dad wasn't. And so when people I have friends now who lose a parent or a loved one that have that time, you know, the worst thing you can do is say, I know I've been there you noticed somebody, but to be able to find the time to share with them how precious that moment is, because I didn't have it. I did. I chose not to have it, too. All right. I will do that over again. And the moment that I would relive because it was so much friggin fun, is our last national championship in 2018, which we are making a documentary on because it literally I talked about before. It was the greatest comeback in sport team history, statistically, okay. And we went to our last event, which was balancing six athletes up to you take your top five highest scores, and I poached bouncing. And we didn't know at the time that we had to averaging 9.95 out of a 10 out of five athletes to tie. We didn't know that. Like thankfully. We didn't know there had been five other teams that had competed before us because that was our last event. Not one athlete, had gotten the 995. And we had to average five. And the best people asked me what some of the best coaching I ever did. The best coaching I ever did, was in that event, because last event of the evening, right before the athletes went up, they all huddled up and they were like we're leaving with no regrets. We're leaving on the floor. We're staying true to our game plan. And every I don't know if it's like this with tennis, but for every athlete that goes up, I always had one cue for them that was specific for them. So the first athlete that would go up for us like the first athlete starts on balance. He was one of the most important positions in colletion mastics. Because they set the tone, they set the confidence, the calm up there. And so I was used to go up to our first athlete Graceland and I would say tap on your inner bitch, and her nostrils flare, and she does. So as I'm going to say something to her, she grabs my hands. And she says, Michelle, I got this. And I don't say anything. I wink, I fist pump, and I move off. And she PRs she gets her highest score, on and on and on one of the six athletes. I didn't say one word. I trusted them that when they looked me in the eye, and they said I got this, I trusted that we had prepared. Well, we ended up winning by the smallest margin in NCAA history. And as coaches out there, I want you to listen to this, okay. Had I post from my ego? I would have told myself No, no, no, we're in the biggest moment of this national championship. I'm the head coach, they have to hear from any head coach in order to be able to reach the potential. And instead, I listened to myself and I said, and I and I used all my senses, to look at them to to feel their energy. And I was like they're ready. Had I coached from my ego and told them their cues. You know this as a coach, they would have played just a wee wee wee wee bit tight. And we won by the wee wee wee we would have never won that championship. I say this, maybe five, six years earlier, maybe I wasn't mature enough to be able to just shut up and trust them. But thankfully, I was old enough. And I and I've been coaching long enough to trust the process and trust that we have prepared them and just give them all my positive energy with a wink and a smile and a fist pump. And we did it

Daniel Kiernan  57:16

Two beautiful messages and I can't wait to see the TV show when it comes out. You know, I think I think what you what you shared about your mum is really special. And I know certainly for one I'm going through that right now with with my mum who she's she's had dementia, Alzheimer's for six or seven years now. I've actually just got back from the UK, you know, she she no longer can can speak she can't really take much on. But But trying to trying to have those special moments. You know, so I thank you personally for those words of strength. And, and I know there will be there will be a lot of people out there that will will take a lot from it as well. Valerie so so thank you as ever for for your special words, I want one thing I had done, we've had two small little bits I want to go through with you. I listened back I can't believe we didn't do a Quick Fire Round back back in September 2020. Because that's become a thing that we've done in every podcast, almost almost since. One of the things I also did is I wrote down some quotes that you'd that you'd made when we spoke last time. And I wanted to almost see almost four years on your your perception of that your perception has changed. We've ended up talking about a lot of them already in this conversation. But there is a one I do want to ask you about because you you said back in September 2020 That you had an interview the day before and and someone had asked you if you would ever coach again. And you replied and said only if it was another sport. And I think I have tongue in cheek offered you a job to come out to Spain and work at SotoTennis Academy. That office still very much stands, by the way, Valorie, but have you have you had the opportunity to do any coaching in any other sports over the last three and a half years?

Valorie Kondos Field  59:15

You're my only offer Daniel. I had offers to go back into coaching gymnastics. And I don't know if we've talked about this for years ago, but I had such peace of mind that I knew it was the right time. And I think all of us that are listening to this right now we're old enough to go back to a moment that you know, you will just know. I also know that it is it's not a good place right now in collegiate athletics because of NIL name, image and likeness and the transfer portal and you have a lot of coaches specifically in football where NIL is totally determining The roster, digit year to year where coaches are getting out of it. Nick Saban left Alabama,

Daniel Kiernan  1:00:07

Is that the reason

Valorie Kondos Field  1:00:10

He left because after the bowl game, when he started having these individual meetings with his players, every single player wanted to know how much more an ailment and you were getting, and how much we're playing time. And we had our head coach at UCLA leave to go be an offensive coordinator at Ohio State, I think it was. And he just told my husband, he said, Bobby, I just want to coach, I don't want to be an agent, and have to find millions of dollars every year for these athletes. So I don't want to jump into that circus.

Daniel Kiernan  1:00:40

No, well, I had a, I had a conversation with a couple of tennis coaches at the US Open and collegiate tennis, tennis coaches. And they said, We are more fundraisers now than we are coaches. And that that was really alarming to me, because I love where I live in Spain. I love having my own Tennis Academy and the team I work with. And I love that I travel on the pro tour some players. And I also love doing this podcast. But the one thing that I've always had a bit of a bit of an itch on is to be a college coach. You know, that's something I was a college tennis player, myself at LSU. And I just love the energy I just anyone that's experienced, it will smile with me. Anyone that hasn't experienced it will often not quite get it. You know, I think it is so unbelievably special college sport in the US. You know, you don't have it in you don't. You just don't have it in the UK or European universities. It's us college sports. But I don't want to be I would never want to go give up what I have to go and fundraise and be an agent, like you say. And that seems to be the way it's going. So how does that stop? But where does well,

Valorie Kondos Field  1:02:08

but the sad part is Daniel is yes, collegiate athletics is one of the most was and still is in some sports. One of the last bastions where you have a true concept of team. That's why I feel collegiate athletics was so important that you do whatever it takes for the team and especially the sport like gymnastics, which is kind of individual. Yep, same with tennis

Daniel Kiernan  1:02:36

And tennis and tennis. Yeah.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:02:38

Our athletes, I remember asking our Olympians, what's most why just come to UCLA and they said we want to be part of a team. And I thought you were part of a team when you represented the United States. And they said Not really because I want to beat my teammates. College, I've had an Olympian come to me and say Miss Val take me off beam, I'm not feeling it today, put someone else in so the team can win, even though she could have been the all around individual champion. So it's not as this NIL stuff. And the transfer portal is just as bad as NIL, because there's no rules to the transfer portal. And athletes are getting poached before seasons are even over. You watch the football bowl games. And except for the national championship, these teams are playing with with three quarters of their their roster, because the players have gone on and coaches have gone on. So what pisses me off is one of the tenets that you learn through athletics is to finish right, you got to finish salutely Well, that's not being taught anymore. Because you don't have to finish you can jump ship and go to another team that's offering you more money

Daniel Kiernan  1:03:47

and the loss of any power, any power that the coach would have, when there's the threat that I'm going elsewhere or there's there's this whole bargaining which which obviously is coming to professional sport more and more over the years, which is also one of the reasons that I've gone off that to a degree but to lose to lose that uniqueness within college that true amateur feel that we're doing this for the love. We're doing this as a as a sisterhood or brotherhood. That's yeah, that makes it that makes me sick.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:04:24

There is one little scenario that I always think about when people talk about NIHL. And the impact it's had and I think in most collegiate football teams, the backup quarterback is making millions because he's important Right? Right. Your your first quarterback goes down you have to have that backup. Absolutely. But the offensive line that is protected a quarterback isn't getting anything. There's a there's one team I think in Texas now they're specifically raising money for the offensive line. But imagine being that offensive line guy and having to protect your quarterback. And the guy that's sitting on the bench is making millions. And you're not.

Daniel Kiernan  1:05:09

Resentment is never a good starting point for building a relationship.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:05:16

No, and you're dealing with 18 to 22 Girls. Right? So I mean, what are they thinking about money?

Daniel Kiernan  1:05:24

Don't like it. But what I what I what I do like is talking to you, Valerie, and thank you so much for your time again, I have some quickfire questions. But I do want to say a heartfelt thanks, you know, for myself from my wife, who's a big part of the podcast and everybody who listens. And you're a star, honestly. Yeah. Don't tell everyone but you are our favorite. But we'll keep that quiet. What's what's next for you? Before we get into the quickfire, just

Valorie Kondos Field  1:05:56

doing a lot of speaking, starting to do executive coaching and workshops, like my favorite thing to do is come in and do a keynote. That's about 3040 minutes, and then take a little break and then have time for serious discussion cues and q&a, and the workshop portion of it, which has been really, really exciting for me to get the feedback I've been getting. That's my next thing. I'm just I'm be bopping around the world doing all that and I want to come to Spain. You told me that last time okay.

Daniel Kiernan  1:06:30

Did you not get the tickets I sent them you must have given me the wrong address. We'll get we're gonna we're gonna make it happen.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:06:41

We have like these workshops but I could do a really mean flashmob I think

Daniel Kiernan  1:06:49

We take both we take both. Quick, quick fire. Roger or Rafa.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:06:56

Roger,

Daniel Kiernan  1:06:57

Serena or Venus,

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:00

Serena

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:01

Coaching or competing,

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:04

Coaching,

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:05

Winning or succeeding,

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:08

Succeeding

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:09

Pro sport or college sport?

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:12

They're the same

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:15

Beach beach or mountains.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:18

Beach

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:19

TV or radio,

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:22

Radio,

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:23

Dancing or singing?

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:24

Dancing always

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:27

Your current favorite tennis player?

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:31

Coco,

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:32

We all love Coco. What's one rule change that you would bring to tennis?

Valorie Kondos Field  1:07:40

I, I kind of don't understand why the coaches can't coach.

Daniel Kiernan  1:07:47

They now can. But if there's but there's rules around it's, it's a little bit. You can when the players are on your side. You you can't. There's various rules. So like at end of the set. So Andy Murray got into trouble yesterday actually in Dubai, because the set ended and he walked to the corner was speaking to his coach. And he was like Sir Andy Murray imagine and he's, and he's been told off like he's a he's a little boy being told off by the school teacher. Because he was he was talking to Mark Hilton, actually one of my one of my best friends. So so it's a little bit ambiguous, but they have brought it into a degree, but not as you would expect from from a sports like like yourself in gymnastics. However, as you've told us on both occasions, sometimes the power of silence is even better.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:08:45

True. Very true. Yeah. So that's, that's one thing. Tennis gymnastics. There's another sport. I can't think about it. But it's like one thing I did not enjoy about coaching gymnastics was there was no strategy. You just train, train, train, train, train, train, train, then you go out and you perform. And that's one reason why I think I told you earlier. Four years ago, I wanted to coach other sport, I want to coach where there's offense and defense and strategy and all that. And you got to beat like, make decisions in the moment. There's not a lot of that in gymnastics, but I imagined that there is in tennis.

Daniel Kiernan  1:09:22

There is I mean, I had we actually had a one and the girls won't be talking about this. So they were playing in the quarterfinals US Open against against Taylor Townsend and Leylah Fernandez, Louie Armstrong court and sometimes it us open when when Arthur Ashe Stadium empties but their match finishes. All of a sudden they all flooded on to Louie Armstrong. Now Taylor Townsend is very good at whipping the crowd up as well. And it was a packed Louie Armstrong and Taylor just had them just crowd with just you know what the New York crowd can be like. And my girls, well, Canadian, and Erin was, was born in New Zealand. And you can already hear yourself and it ended up going to six all in the third set. And there were seven two down in the deciding tie break. And at that point, the girls, which wouldn't always happen, they wanted us to call every play. But the noise is so loud, and you're not that close to them. You You literally have, you have a two or three second window. And the clarity of what you say, one, so they hear two, so it makes sense. And three, that it's accurate, is a real, it's a real adrenaline rush, actually, I loved it. But at the same time, I said this to the girls when I spoke to them last night, and I almost feel like I'm playing the matches because of this rule now. Because you can have so much more of an impact, but a good impact and a bad impact. Whereas before, when you couldn't coach, you could impact with body language, you could impact a bit with emotional coaching. But once you're talking about strategy and tactics, it's often ends up being a right or wrong. And as it as it happened, we call the player at nine in the tiebreaker, it was the it was the right player, they executed it fantastically well. And they won the match. And obviously, that the rest is history, they went on to win the US Open. But it's it really adds and what I think would add also, to the viewership of that is if the person at home watching could hear what was being said, it's often quite messy. It's not it's not always the cleanest. And I think that insight is also quite fascinating in this day and age 2024, where we are fighting for eyeballs to watch our sports. Any level of insight like that, that brings up the level of entertainment and an excitement, I think can only be a good thing as well.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:12:15

It's so funny, I didn't even realize I totally contradicted myself. Because I said my greatest coaching moment was I said nothing. And then you asked me what I would change in tennis, and I said you should be able to talk to you. And that is a whole other discussion, we have to have on part three, about the acumen of the coach, when to say something, when not to say something. Yeah. And thinking about that back to our national championship where I said nothing, had an athlete come to me and said, misspell, give me give me the spiel, you know, that would have meant to me that they just wanted to get into the rhythm of what we practiced all season. And I would have done it how they asked.

Daniel Kiernan  1:12:56

And that's the sorry, I'm not making this very quick fire. But we've fallen into an interesting topic. That's the intent is we have all the data is now available. And actually you've got you actually can it some tournaments, you have live data. So directions of serve what's happening in certain moments. Obviously, scouting involves a lot of data. Now, that's the scientific side. And I think as professionals, we should also go that way. Some people are like no, forget that it's a nonsense go with what you feel. I'm not sure about that, you know, I think we have we have these little small bits that we can we can bring together to give us a better opportunity to succeed and enhance the performance we should, but it will still always come down to the art of coaching. And and the ability to feel a situation and when to say when not to say tone of voice, all of those bits. And and that is certainly a fascinating subject that I would love to delve in with you to more questions. What does control the controllables mean to you?

Valorie Kondos Field  1:14:09

Speaks my language because at UCLA we call it the proven bubble. Everything inside the bubble was in your control. Everything outside the bubble is out of your control is a total waste of time, energy and anything else to spend any time on anything you cannot control. So when our team started doing Portland and we started seeing a synergy dissipate, all somebody would have to say was bubble. And we would just come back together

Daniel Kiernan  1:14:32

And think carefully on this one because the small print you don't know that you've signed it by sending me an email but you have means that you are passing the baton on to the next guest that you announce. So who should our next guest be on Control the Controllables

Valorie Kondos Field  1:14:53

Wow. Your next guest

Daniel Kiernan  1:14:57

What have you got in your locker

Valorie Kondos Field  1:14:59

mind A very first person that came to mind is Jordan waiver, Jordyn Wieber was a Olympic gold medalist in 2012. She chose to take the money and this is before and if so she couldn't compete for us because she wanted to be a part of a team. So I told her the only position I can offer you, Jordan, is that a team manager? So I had an Olympic gold medalist, as my team manager. Wow. And she served her team with every ounce of her professional gold medal DNA she had. And so when the University of Arkansas called me in 2019, and said, we're making a change with our head coach, we want a female we want someone with your philosophy, Miss Val. I said Jordan Weaver and she was only 23 years old. And the athletic director called me and said, I can't hire a 23 year old. I said, well, first of all, she's 23 going on 33. She has spoken in front of the Senate seven times. Oh, wow. On the discussion of safe score, because she was a Larry Nasser survivor, and I said to the athletic director at Arkansas, if you don't hire her, someone else will and she will kick your ass. So I think that you should hire Jordan Lieber. And so they hired Jordan Weaver. She's doing great. She's filling the stadium, the the arena, she's just exploding. She has a TED talk out on resilience. And she's lived at all. And yes, she's a gold medalist. Yes, she's a champion. Yes, she understands excellence, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She put all of that into being a team manager.

Daniel Kiernan  1:16:38

Incredible. I am going to take you up on that. And I'm going to push you on that because I would love to have her on. And I might even get you to write the script for that one, because I'd reckon you'll be able to give me lots of ways of weaving that conversation. Valerie, I said again, Eurostar. Thank you, thank you so much for your time. Keep doing what you're doing. And I look forward already to part three.

Valorie Kondos Field  1:17:04

I can't wait to meet. I can't wait to hug it out.

Daniel Kiernan  1:17:07

Well, Valerie, I am waiting for my hug. I don't know when it's gonna be but yeah, brilliant again. And maybe that's the top two episode 62 and episode two to two. What an absolute star Valerie is. And I know I'm not the only one in this room who was a big Valerie fan. I've got Vicki next to me. For those of you that aren't regular listeners to the podcast, Vicki often comes on with me at the end of the podcast. And it's our little chance to just go through our learnings and and hopefully help you reflect on what you have heard as well. So Vicki, a big welcome back. It's great to have you. And you're a massive fan of Valerie as well.

Victoria Kiernan  1:17:53

I am a massive Valerie fan. In fact, I've been singing the you've been singing it. That's where I've got it from. I think you started this morning in the meetings and I've been singing the song all day. It's a bit of Amy Winehouse

Daniel Kiernan  1:18:04

without me. They go hand in hand. Like

Victoria Kiernan  1:18:06

you said, when you spoke to her she is the guest that we individually talk about the most when people ask us who who's been our favorite guest, which is our favorite episode. I still mentioned stories that she told us back in 2020. And I'm sure I'm gonna be doing the same this time as well.

Daniel Kiernan  1:18:24

And are we going to jump in straight to Valerie off? Surely we've got to, I've got to get your thoughts on the live podcast. It was a couple of weeks ago now in London, and new experience for us a completely different experience. But a fun one at that.

Victoria Kiernan  1:18:40

A really fun one. It was really cool. I was actually telling everyone at the Academy, the day before. 14 years we've been running sorting tennis academy, and that was my first official official work trip. I get to see the coaches go off to all these cool destinations. While the ops team and the podcast team has sat at bay so we were very smoky getting on that plane, the podcast T finally finally getting to go away. But no, it was a brilliant few days and a brilliant night and it was so lovely to meet so many of you as well. A special shout out to Maureen from Surrey who I had a lovely chat with. And also to Stuart who's one of the last ones standing actually at the end.

Daniel Kiernan  1:19:23

It was fantastic to get in that room and and let us know those that did come those that watched online. Give us your feedback. You know, do you want to see more of these live events? Or do you just want to listen to us in your cars on the way to work? Do let us know. And I have to give a big big shout out to our amazing panelists. What an effort that was. Freddy Nielsen came all the way from Denmark didn't actually stay over. He flew left at two o'clock in the morning, the day and then got a six o'clock flight. The next day got back to Denmark. jumped in a car drove four hours to play an exhibition match. And if you don't know Freddy Nielsen, the Wimbledon 2012 champion that sums him up. He is a true legend, not only of the sport but a true legend as a person. And someone said something about Freddie the said, I just found myself nodding it everything that Freddie says. And and I have to say Freddie has been a big influence on my philosophies over the years because I do find myself doing that as well. And he's got a really unique style on how he brings it out. So Freddie, Big Love. And then John Morris, you know, the one who had the insights into the new premier to have the elite tour that is potentially happening or not, you know, John, again, just brings such a calm, composed way, whilst having the knowledge at all the levels of the game. And then as we set on the night, our knight in shining armor, Justin sharing, who if you haven't listened to his podcast yet, go back a couple and you will find him on the day he changed his whole plans around to come at the last minute As Calvin Betten and Gabby dobrowski were unable for various reasons at the very last moment. So a big shout out to you guys. If you are listening, it wouldn't have been the same without you.

Victoria Kiernan  1:21:21

It certainly made for an interesting flight from Malaga to London. You know, we thought we'd be leaving sort of grande with everything under control. We've had this plan for weeks, our first ever live show, so exciting. And then we got the call from Calvin Besson and Gabby Dombroski that they couldn't come. And big shout out in true control the controllables fashion, Dan ended up spending what should have been a relaxing flight back on the whole journey on the telephone, who can replace those two amazing panelists? No mean feat. And while we couldn't convince a female to come on, and replay and replace Gabby, which was such a shame, just in sharing, wow, he came in, he stepped up, he was amazing. We're less than 24 hours notice. And he was brilliant on the night. So like we like Dan said at knights in shining armor and a massive thank you to him.

Daniel Kiernan  1:22:14

I tell you, it'd be a good panelist, those Valorie Kondos field. If

Victoria Kiernan  1:22:18

we had a bit more time, we could have flown her wrench. It'd be amazing.

Daniel Kiernan  1:22:22

This could be the next thing. Valerie, we'll get you over for our live podcast, and so many learnings. But I have to ask you, Vicki, your biggest learning from this one, you

Victoria Kiernan  1:22:31

know, with this one, there's so many small little quotes that keep sticking in my head, you don't learn a damn thing from a damn thing from winning was one of them, I thought was really good. Get off your phone. It's something that I wrote down as I was listening along, which we've talked about a lot with the kids at the academy, they come off a bad loss, and they're straight on their phone. And as you said, they're not processing anything from the match. It's just a way of trying to escape the difficult feelings. I thought she talked about that really well. She started every session with gratitude. Now, we kind of talked about that every Friday afternoon in our Friday circle, as you said, but every session I thought was really interesting as well. Yeah,

Daniel Kiernan  1:23:14

well practicing gratitude, I guess. Is it a daily habit? Ultimately, and no. And I think we can all learn from that, you know, when we practice, gratitude and the fact that that can only take just a few seconds, you know, each each day, each moment, it puts us in a better headspace. And I think that that is our number one value and solid tennis academy. For that reason, you know, it puts us in the right mindset. It's actually the opposite of entitled, and entitlement is probably my biggest bugbear. And we all we all see it in all forms of life. So there was definitely some alignment on that it ties

Victoria Kiernan  1:23:50

back into what she said about players are observing every little thing that you do, even when you don't think that they are, they're noticing. You sent her a photo the other night now when when we have our Friday circle Our youngest is probably the one that fidgets the most doesn't look like she's concentrating or is even interested in what's being said she's constantly by either by my side or I have my eyes on her across the circle just please stand still pay attention out of anyone I would say. And Dan sent a photo through the other night and she'd had this little whiteboard with a pen that she had been given and she'd written out the word growth and underneath that written G for gratitude are for respects and I'd written them all out perfectly and what didn't even think she's paying a blind would have noticed or what's being said on in the Friday circle or cares. And yet it just goes to show that she is even though we don't think she is she's listening and she knows those values of the academy inside out. Yeah, it was

Daniel Kiernan  1:24:55

really interesting know how to live them though.

Victoria Kiernan  1:24:57

You know what I was most impressed with her spelling, the spelling Longtin

Daniel Kiernan  1:25:04

was really impressive. And I agree with you, I think it's a, it's a great little story just to make that point we are being watched. We don't quite know what that next generation is taking on board. You know, keep with good messaging, keep with the good behaviors, because people are learning all the time. And I've certainly had a big smile on my face, thinking about that, and that story, but the one word that she didn't write, and she didn't spell, right, and I had to look at him, look it up, but I liked it. When she was talking. Valerie was talking about cultures. And she used the word indomitable. And I was like, oh, nice word. Not quite sure. I think I agreed with her, but I was like, when I looked at it, and it it describes a culture, a fantastic culture that she did, obviously set up there at UCLA, you know, the the ultimately, that cannot be subdued or overcome, as persons will have courage unconquerable. You know, and I think the story She then told about the national championship and leading the 9.95 You know, the fact that her best bit of coaching was actually just shutting her mouth and I think she did tell that story previous as well. It's obviously something that she's taken a lot from her coaching and I think as coaches we can learn that as well. And and she's got obviously had an indomitable culture created that lead to many national championships as well. So thanks for the new word Valerie. And but also thanks for the we have

Victoria Kiernan  1:26:40

said we always learned so much from her. Absolutely. And

Daniel Kiernan  1:26:43

talking of culture. I'm caught in a few minutes. So if I turn up late I'm not living the culture of Sato tennis academy. I could stand here and talk to Vicki about Valerie and all of her values and her stories all day long. But let us know what you think. As always, please do get in touch and we will be back. As always. We've got the next few weeks, lots of different episodes coming your way. But until next time, I'm Dan Kiernan and we are Control the Controllables